If there is one thing I believe, it is that I spend entirely too much of my time crying. Of course, five minutes later I end up regretting it like hell. So the next time you feel like a swollen dam ready to burst (for a trivial reason like a bad mark), my advice to you is just:

1.Find an empty, sound-proof room, close the door and scream out your pain/ frustration; OR

2. Hit something a 100 times (NOTE: i repeat something, not someone); OR

3. Jump in a crowded pool and (underwater) scream/ sob to your heart’s content.. I’m quite sure people won’t mind.. I mean what would you prefer to be swimming in — tears or pee?

BASICALLY, DON’T LET ANYONE SEE YOU CRYING (EXCL. MOMENTS LISTED AT THE END OF THIS ENTRY). UNLESS THEY’RE LIKELY TO FORGET IN TEN SECONDS LIKE YEDDA ON “THE NANNY” OR BETTER YET, IN THREE SECONDS LIKE A GOLDFISH. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO CRY IN FRONT OF AN ELEPHANT. THEY NEVER FORGET.

Reasons why crying is useless and embarrassing: (screw the capitalising in this section)

- you get dehydrated; if you just can’t help it remember when anticipating a particularly disastrous event, bring heaps of water. and tissues.

- your face goes all red, particularly your nose so you look like rudolph (not that i have anything against him, reindeers are awesome— although rudolph was completely misrepresented in the santa clause movies)– also your eyes become squinty as hell so be prepared with teaspoons to put in the freezer which you should then place on your eyes to reduce puffiness

- people who see you immediately think you as THE SOBBER

- your teachers think you have a mental problem for continually bursting into tears in class (i’ve done this so many times that i’ve lost count… ok just under ten, and that’s in maths. once on a bad day, i asked the teacher a question and as she was explaining it too me on the board, i just started crying.. not because i didn’t understand. i was just so fed up with everything. she didn’t say anything, but it is majorly awkward in maths now. i need to buy a huge bouquet of flowers for when i graduate)

- runny noses, yucky.

- people are afraid to say things to your face lest they cause another sobfest

- the constipated, screwed up faces people like me make when crying too hard… not at all flattering

- the awkward friend trying-to-comfort-you-but-having-no-idea-how-to-make-you-feel-better aspect

- sometimes you develop a massive migraine afterwards, tears are like the opposite of alcohol, you can also feel great in the morning after falling asleep following a sobfest

- crying is actually very exhausting, you could almost call it exercising your lungs and tearducts (but a plus if you want to fall asleep fast)

- you’re killing trees and thus adding to global warming

___

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY:

Practice crying quietly to avoid public humiliation– OMG the sniffling, I have not yet found a way to avoid this. How can some people just cry so quietly with their face remaining the same shade, no shaking, no face screwing basically just looking like normal except a slightly sad expression meanwhile their tear ducts are like Nigra Falls?

ANYWAY, SERIOUSLY, I’VE HAD EXPERIENCE– IT IS BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO RID YOURSELF OF THIS PARTICULAR  REPUTATION, NO MATTER HOW NICE ALL OF YOU CLASSMATES ARE. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY’RE THINKING. See, if you get sick of yourself crying, you think they won’t?

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: don’t avoid crying altogether.

I mean there are moments where it is perfectly acceptable (eg) your graduation, your children’s graduation, when you are proposing/ proposed to, at a funeral, when a beloved one is moving away, after a break up with a good person (good person is emphasised, your friends will tell you this if you’re unsure), when your dog gets run over, when you’re watching Titanic or The Notebook or whatever movie that aims to dry out your entire system, etc. because you don’t want to seem like an emotionless brick/ zombie like Bella Swan in most of New Moon. I am not dissing Twilight here. Actually, I can completely relate to Bella as a character. I mean if the Cullens didn’t exist, she would be exactly like I am right now. Not to mention all of the actors are incredibly good looking talented. I am now waiting for some Cullens to appear in my life. According to the book they should be here in several months, six months and three days until i’m seventeen. My friends are awesome, but I just don’t feel as close to them nowadays. I blame myself for not making enough of an effort.  Although our Christmas party is coming up, so maybe that will liven things up on the social front.

Well, I haven’t even seen New Moon yet. I guess i’ll get it on DVD like I did with Twilight. Fingers crossed for no disappointment. Even so, I guess I can just sit there and stare at the male actors while keeping an ear out for the much raved-about soundtrack — it won’t be a total waste of money.

:]

Why, oh why do I always have to be the responsible one? I guess I could be irresponsible if I wanted to, I am sometimes irresponsible- but not in front of my parents. But I constantly feel the need to put on the responsible act for my parents because they’re always stressing out about my sister and her irresponsibility; a.k.a all the going out too much, “bad” grades, arguing with parents, frittering away with laptop disease etc.

What do I mean by the responsible act? On a day where my sister is being particularly difficult about doing homework or something (maths especially; which my mum is always nagging her to do) I get out my homework and start doing it. This isn’t particularly helpful I realise, now that I think about it, because it makes my sister look even worse, but it may possibly help ease the “pain” of my ever-worrying mum. TT”      (My dad just tries to keep out of it, I don’t blame him).

However, it MOST LIKELY worsens the problem. I mean, making the contrast between me and my sister bigger isn’t going to help at all- but I can’t just go around acting irresponsible so that my sister’s “image” with my parents isn’t completely ruined. If it isn’t already.

She has no idea how big the problem is.

If she would just be responsible again. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to my mum’s constant nagging of me to teach my sister Maths homework (concepts which my sister will never ATTEMPT to understand) or my mum’s complaining of how tired she is with my sister’s attitude as well as how worried she is.

I really try to be as patient as possible, listening to the complaints- secretly clenching my fists so that I don’t completely lose it. But a person can only stand so much. Now I know how others feel… well, one person in particular.

I had a pretty bad day yesterday. Nothing bad actually HAPPENED– well cried and my friend cried cause I cried, but… yeah. I tracked it down to the loss of my four-leaf clover.

YES I’m very superstitious at times. See, the clover was in my copy of George’s Marvellous Medicine by Roald Dahl and my sister for some random reason decided to read that very book; when there are over a hundred books in the house! Of course, somehow she lost my clover. I had a flower petal pressed in there too and she didn’t even lose that!! It just had to be my beloved four-leaf clover~ x(

AND SO I HEREBY BLAME MY SISTER FOR ME HAVING ONE OF THE MOST MISERABLE DAYS OF MY LIFE THIS YEAR.

Today during sport my friend and I got a littl bored so we sat around searching for four-leafed clovers. It turned out to be our lucky day- my friend who has never found one in her life ended up finding three!!

I also found one. That makes it a total of three I’ve found in my whole fifteen yearson this earth. Although I haven’t really been looking ALL that time

Don’t people know when to stop?  Sometimes they take the joke too far, especially when they’re always over-annoying at first anyway. OK, I could stand about three lessons of it, but now I am going to go completely psycho on that person (not really, I wish i could though).

GRR.

A few teachers who I have encountered throughout high school extremely annoy me with their habits; it’s just little things can make you grimace and dread going to class.

1. I have this tutor teacher who’s pretty nice, but one thing about her really irritates me: at least five times every lesson, she uses the “anyways”. I haven’t mis-typed or anything. ANYWAYS. I know that a lot of people do use it– but a TEACHER?!?!
   
2. Also, about a year ago I had student teacher (very lost things aren’t they?) at school for English and she kept using the word YOUSE ( pronoused “use”) while meaning to say “you”; referring to the class/ the students. My friend and I would cringe every time she used it. What kind of English teacher says: “YOUSE”???

I’ve been whining a  lot today, but sorry.. my life isn’t all that wonderful at the moment~

Haven’t you ever felt like it doesn’t really matter whether or not you exist?  I think, if I suddenly rolled over and died one day no one would really notice. Maybe it’s just that I don’t make very much of an impact on other people’s lives..

I’m just an extra person, just there– for what reason anyway?

I really need to vent right now because my mum is trying to use the computer again and it is really driving me crazy. What makes it even worse is that computer is old (2002) and this makes it unimaginably slow. This makes the teaching a thousand times more irritating. Just when I really started to think that she had the hang of it (well enough not to ask me every five seconds; the comp.’s in my room, I have my laptop thank god) she just wrecks it by asking another question!!!

I guess it isn’t really her fault. I just happen to have a short temper as well.

OK, enough rage right now. I’ll end on a better note-Have I mentioned that gerberas are really pretty? :]

School’s been busy, so I haven’t blogged for about three days. My Science prac test results were depressing today and tutor was completely exhausting even though we didn’t really do anything.

Tomorrow’s Friday so I can relax a little. Having been away for a week, I had forgotten what school was like- and I can actually say that I was glad to be back. Tomorrow I have to work out what’s going on with Geography. I have no idea. my group is pretty much screwed if we don’t work things out soon.

People in my grade have been selling chocolates to fund-raise for the formal. So far I’ve bought four and eaten one. Surprisingly, many people are very enthusiastic with the idea of buying the chocolate and they are selling pretty quickly. On the subject of the formal, people ask me why I’m not going. This is how the convo usually goes.

Person: Are you going to the formal?

Me: No.

Person: Why not?

Me: I don’t want to.

Person: You have to come!

Me: No!

…

That is the basic conversation. I have my reasons but I’m not about to tell anyone just yet. In addition I have to work out what other book i’m doing for the English speech as well as keep a secret until Saturday

School wasn’t what I expected it to be like today- just very slow…I had to catch up on a heap of work, and it was tiring as hell (;

We managed to persuade our English teacher to move our assessment to week 7!! YESS!!! I have more time to finish reading the books~ by the way, did anyone notice that it was hailing about an hour or so ago?? DID YOU!!? How awesome is that!?!

I’d better get back to work, trying to catch up on as much as I can =D

-outiee-