If there is one thing I believe, it is that I spend entirely too much of my time crying. Of course, five minutes later I end up regretting it like hell. So the next time you feel like a swollen dam ready to burst (for a trivial reason like a bad mark), my advice to you is just:
1.Find an empty, sound-proof room, close the door and scream out your pain/ frustration; OR
2. Hit something a 100 times (NOTE: i repeat something, not someone); OR
3. Jump in a crowded pool and (underwater) scream/ sob to your heart’s content.. I’m quite sure people won’t mind.. I mean what would you prefer to be swimming in — tears or pee?
BASICALLY, DON’T LET ANYONE SEE YOU CRYING (EXCL. MOMENTS LISTED AT THE END OF THIS ENTRY). UNLESS THEY’RE LIKELY TO FORGET IN TEN SECONDS LIKE YEDDA ON “THE NANNY” OR BETTER YET, IN THREE SECONDS LIKE A GOLDFISH. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO CRY IN FRONT OF AN ELEPHANT. THEY NEVER FORGET.
Reasons why crying is useless and embarrassing: (screw the capitalising in this section)
- you get dehydrated; if you just can’t help it remember when anticipating a particularly disastrous event, bring heaps of water. and tissues.
- your face goes all red, particularly your nose so you look like rudolph (not that i have anything against him, reindeers are awesome— although rudolph was completely misrepresented in the santa clause movies)– also your eyes become squinty as hell so be prepared with teaspoons to put in the freezer which you should then place on your eyes to reduce puffiness
- people who see you immediately think you as THE SOBBER
- your teachers think you have a mental problem for continually bursting into tears in class (i’ve done this so many times that i’ve lost count… ok just under ten, and that’s in maths. once on a bad day, i asked the teacher a question and as she was explaining it too me on the board, i just started crying.. not because i didn’t understand. i was just so fed up with everything. she didn’t say anything, but it is majorly awkward in maths now. i need to buy a huge bouquet of flowers for when i graduate)
- runny noses, yucky.
- people are afraid to say things to your face lest they cause another sobfest
- the constipated, screwed up faces people like me make when crying too hard… not at all flattering
- the awkward friend trying-to-comfort-you-but-having-no-idea-how-to-make-you-feel-better aspect
- sometimes you develop a massive migraine afterwards, tears are like the opposite of alcohol, you can also feel great in the morning after falling asleep following a sobfest
- crying is actually very exhausting, you could almost call it exercising your lungs and tearducts (but a plus if you want to fall asleep fast)
- you’re killing trees and thus adding to global warming
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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY:
Practice crying quietly to avoid public humiliation– OMG the sniffling, I have not yet found a way to avoid this. How can some people just cry so quietly with their face remaining the same shade, no shaking, no face screwing basically just looking like normal except a slightly sad expression meanwhile their tear ducts are like Nigra Falls?
ANYWAY, SERIOUSLY, I’VE HAD EXPERIENCE– IT IS BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO RID YOURSELF OF THIS PARTICULAR REPUTATION, NO MATTER HOW NICE ALL OF YOU CLASSMATES ARE. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY’RE THINKING. See, if you get sick of yourself crying, you think they won’t?
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: don’t avoid crying altogether.
I mean there are moments where it is perfectly acceptable (eg) your graduation, your children’s graduation, when you are proposing/ proposed to, at a funeral, when a beloved one is moving away, after a break up with a good person (good person is emphasised, your friends will tell you this if you’re unsure), when your dog gets run over, when you’re watching Titanic or The Notebook or whatever movie that aims to dry out your entire system, etc. because you don’t want to seem like an emotionless brick/ zombie like Bella Swan in most of New Moon. I am not dissing Twilight here. Actually, I can completely relate to Bella as a character. I mean if the Cullens didn’t exist, she would be exactly like I am right now. Not to mention all of the actors are incredibly good looking talented. I am now waiting for some Cullens to appear in my life. According to the book they should be here in several months, six months and three days until i’m seventeen. My friends are awesome, but I just don’t feel as close to them nowadays. I blame myself for not making enough of an effort. Although our Christmas party is coming up, so maybe that will liven things up on the social front.
Well, I haven’t even seen New Moon yet. I guess i’ll get it on DVD like I did with Twilight. Fingers crossed for no disappointment. Even so, I guess I can just sit there and stare at the male actors while keeping an ear out for the much raved-about soundtrack — it won’t be a total waste of money.
:]
